Let’s say your partner finds a kitten. The non-manipulative approach would be to ask you how you felt about getting a kitten, discussing if you could afford the vet care and food, finding out how your landlord feels about kittens, and determining if it was the best choice for both you and the kitten.
The manipulative approach aims to tug on your heart strings and make you feel like a bad person if you say no. It goes something like, “Look at his little face! He’s homeless! Do you want him to die cold and alone on the streets? Do you even have a heart?” There’s a big difference.
What to do
Don’t let someone make you feel like making the best choice for you makes you a bad person. In this situation, you don’t have to take the kitten home to ensure it’s survival. You can find it another home or take it to an adoption shelter. Most of these types of manipulations can be met with reasonable alternatives.
deep guys
4. If you really loved me
This one’s the worst. This manipulation basically asks you to prove your love over and over again by giving your partner what they want.
“If you really loved me, you’d go to the store and get me some ice cream!” Or even, “If you really loved me, you’d change your mind about having a baby.” This one uses guilt and emotion to try to prod or shame you into doing something. It’s a form of manipulation no matter how innocent it sounds.
What to do
Shut it down. Say something like, “I can still love you with my whole heart without going to the store to get you ice cream.” You can also ask for more direct communication. Like, “You know you can just ask me to go to the store. You don’t have to stake my love for you on it.
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