This is one of the less subtle (and easier to recognize) forms of manipulation. Say, for example, your partner asks you if you want to clean out their car. You don’t. You want to say no but the look on their face and the tone in their voice says you better clean out their car or something bad is going to go down. So you say “I’d love to!” and then you do it.
This is a person using the threat of violence to control you and get you to agree to do something you don’t want to do. Later they may say things like, “You didn’t have to do that. you could have said no.” This makes them look like the good person, like it’s your fault you didn’t get your work done because you were too bust cleaning out their car. Sneaky and mean.
What to do: This is a tough answer because sometimes it’s safer to just do what the manipulator wants at the time and then figure out how to escape later. Some abusers will use real violence to get what they want. But in some cases (non-abuse situations), you can begin to assert your “no” and mean it. If you cant say “no” in a relationship without fearing for your safety, you need to get out.
2. Home court advantage
Manipulations is all about control. One of the tactics used to gain control is to take a person out of their element. Think to yourself about where you live, where you hang out, whose friends you visit, and where you go on dates.
Are they all your partner’s favorite spots? Do you live in your partner’s life but they don’t live in yours? This could be a manipulation tactic designed to make your partner feel more in control. You’re easier to control when you’re not comfortable in your surroundings.
What to do
Equal home court advantage. 50-50. You both live in each other’s lives. You both chose places to go on dates. You both only go places where you feel comfortable. It’s part of being in a healthy, equal relationship.
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